Waves, the emotions come and go like the waves of the ocean crashing on the rocks. The rocks are strong and the sound of the crash can be beautiful however the waves can be unpredictable. I’m the metaphorical rock, I’m the rock for the boys, for my family and the weight of the ocean waves crashing sometimes chips away little pebbles.. every once in a while a big wave crashes so hard that it will break off some of the rock and allow water to run a new path..although I’ve processed a lot of what’s happening in life the waves of emotions are unpredictable and are constantly evolving.
Walking in the mall and smelling a certain scent can bring me to tears, writing the date of an amazing memory can take my breath away, heading into my 35th year of life alone is a gut punch. I’ve grieved the marriage I had, I’ve had the magic and the mayhem, I know what it’s like to have the fairytale romance, the passion and companionship of your best friend.. I also know what it’s like to not trust your spouse to run to the grocery store, going crazy trying to balance stories with reality and feverishly searching phone bills for clues.
The waves of reconciling these emotions are evolving like the love for myself and the courage to be my own best friend. Just because I’ve grieved the marriage doesn’t mean I don’t have tears rolling down my face when I hear a certain song, it doesn’t mean I don’t miss the person I fell madly in love with. It just means I’m allowing myself to feel, to be human and to continue to grieve.
I’ve had people ask me, “so how can you share so much and be transparent”.. I share because these complicated emotions of life are best sorted out knowing you’re not alone. I remember the loneliness I felt even while surrounded by people, I don’t want others to think they’re alone on their journey of life. I also don’t share in real time, by the time a blog is published I’ve had time to process my emotions and share.
No matter who you are, no matter where your journey of life is taking you, you’re never alone. ❤️learn to love yourself and you’ll never be alone.
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