I was the woman who would volunteer to have an event at my home, to plan the baby shower and make the wedding cake. I was the woman who stayed up at night with anxiety that my home, decorations or cake wouldn’t be perfect. I was the woman who felt like I had a stomach of ulcers from anxiety, fear of being flawed.
I’m the woman who ironed sheets on a bed that nobody stayed in because I had too much anxiety to have houseguests. I was worried my home wouldn’t be up to par, that I’d have to entertain and wouldn’t have time to just be me. I wasn’t fake but I was "perfectionist Valerie", it was exhausting.
I’d perfectly plate dinner party food or make sure every single piece of flatware was perfectly matching, every piece of bake wear coordinated with my centerpiece.. I wouldn’t eat with my guests because I was too anxious about them needing something and I had a stomach ache from stress of company.
I was literally drowning in my own shitstorm of perfectionism, I was telling the world things were perfect when in reality the shattered glass house was visible. I was protecting everyone else at the expense of myself, of my self worth and my sanity..
After the virtual tornado that came through the life I’d known over the past two years I decided to recover. That’s weird, right? "I’ve decided to recover".. it sounds very "woo woo" and a bit self indulgent but in reality it is accepting that life, nor myself, are perfect and that I don’t want to be. Does it sound fun to live under this perfect cloud, worried that straying out from under it would cause the thunderstorm. "Wake up woman", enjoy the life, clouds, sun and rain.. because one day it will be over. When it’s over nobody will give a shit about the sheets, the house or the dinner parties.
I will tell you what happened when I let the perfectionist go.... I found peace, I found peace in letting my kids wear what they want, peace in saying I need help, peace in the mismatched furniture, peace in being present. Read that again mom, peace in BEING PRESENT! I’ve stepped back from my business to BE PRESENT! I’ve set professional boundaries to BE PRESENT! I was worried at first that stepping back from my business would hurt sales, they have but it’s enriched my heart and the lives of my boys because I’m more able to BE PRESENT! I’ve eliminated the clutter of life, you know, the friends who are only here for their gossip update... the "stuff" that clutters your mind when you could just BE PRESENT.
I care more about the experience, memory and fun we will have and less about a perfect face of makeup or the most amazing clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get dolled up and feel good about myself when I’m "put together". I’ve however come to the realization that even with a bare face, hair in a bun while wearing workout clothes, I’m the same damn person as when I spend an hour on hair and makeup while dressed to the nines! Love yourself, every version of yourself.
Recently, the boys and I were on the way to an air show and I made a comment about my appearance.. without even thinking of the little ears in the back seat. My youngest piped up and gave me a metaphorical slice of humble pie! I leave you with my social media post from that day and ask.. or beg.. I beg you, LOVE YOURSELF, the you that is under the perfectionist, the you that’s under who others want you to be. Dig deep, find the "you" that you enjoy, be her!
"I’m a recovering perfectionist..a mom who is learning to enjoy more organic true moments and stop trying to create those perfect moments. I’m a mom who will gladly leave the house without makeup, the mom who will blow dry my hair with the windows down (like yesterday) despite my skin imperfections and unruly locks, the boys laughed hysterically as my hair whipped in the wind.. I will try to catch butterflies out the sunroof, I will care less about the spilled gatoraid in the cup holder, I will laugh at farts and poop jokes, I will sing like there are two kids watching.. I will remember that I’m their role model and I should curse less, cuddle more, be honest even if it hurts and love who I am! I said, "oh gosh I look terrible in that photo" and the little voice in the backseat said, "mom, that makes me sad because that’s my favorite picture of you".. Valerie, be more present, less perfect...whatever perfect is anyway ❤️" - May 27, 2019
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