Open Letter

Open Letter 

 I’m the wife of an addict- a damn proud wife of a recovering addict. This hasn’t been an easy road for me, for my children or for my husband, we’ve been through hell and back. I won’t, for a second, sugar coat the past. I also won’t live in the past or allow fear to determine my destination. Addiction is a disease none of us would choose, it’s also the reality of more lives than you or I know. I’ve spoken openly about my life as the wife, separated spouse and struggling coparent to an active addict, you deserve the ending- it isn’t rainbows and butterfly’s, it’s cracks in a foundation of trust, it’s believing in a process you’ve been a bystander to.. it’s also falling in love again, learning who you are while watching someone else find themselves and choosing one another in the end. 

 I walked away, I was done, I was ready to move into the next chapter of my life with my boys and a new career. People often say, “you’re so strong for sticking through it” and I remind them, I didn’t. My husband hasn’t lived in my home for over two years, he was on his path and I was on mine. My husband moved out of the state 18 months ago, he went to sober living and found a brotherhood with lasting friendships you’d envy with a common denominator you wouldn’t ever want to share. We didn’t speak on the phone without a third party for four months, I was an outsider, rightfully so. The boys had scheduled FaceTime visits once a week, those were monitored too. Over the course of 18 months we have had so many deep, open, honest conversations that make me wonder how we got through 13 years of marriage without having. We avoided the uncomfortable moments, financial discussions and I avoided cornering him about his addiction until I had proof. I don’t appreciate the way I handled myself in avoiding but I’ve learned so much about who I am, who I was and who I want to be.. not only as a wife, as a mother and as a human. I’ve been around alcohol and the rationing of excuses or reasons to drink, I’ve accepted functioning addiction with friends and family and in my marriage I did the same. During the 18 months Matt was focused on his sobriety, I focused on my role as a codependent and as an enabler. I am now a grateful member of ALANON and I allow the process to work because I work it. Matt may share his story and details one day but today, and everyday he is sober, I’m thankful.